Athena: A part of me

Athena, the goddess of wisdom was the sole inspiration of my newest flash disk’s name. Having been able to own a new one after 2 years was a source of happiness for me. My old one was almost full, like 3.8mb over 4mb occupied already, so a brand new space was more than welcome you know! For a while, I was able to store academically-related documents in it and I dismissed the idea of actually using it for good. Perhaps it was because I got too attached with the old one or maybe with what’s inside the old one. Pictures. Smiles. Short stories of mine and of my friends. Childhood memories captured in a snapshot. Videos. Crazy videos. Pictures of stalked crushes. Essays out of boredom. Name it. Almost any outlet for my glory and imperfections were inside that small piece and one mistake made them all go “poof” like a bubble.

Honestly, it didn’t hit so suddenly that even right now while I am writing this for the sake of expression, I’m not feeling any pain at all. Well, for the very least, there wasn’t any air of grief. Yes, the entire metamorphosis of my vanity was in there and the act of transferring them all inside athena’s den ended it all. I tried everything I could to make sure it wasn’t really corrupted or something. I did all the possible resorts to test its existence, even pretending to print a file in an internet cafe. YES. I was that desperate. But it didn’t work. No, there was no sign of Athena. No, none at all.

Last night was one of the most remarkable nights of my life. I accepted the challenge to host an event in my organization. Well, it’s a so-so I guess. I mean, any JPIAN would have done the same if they were given the chance to do so. Anyone could have done perhaps as much as I did. But actually, apart from the idle moments onstage, the painful ankle, the act of pretending to look so energized even if you’re so otherwise, the dry lips, tired eyes, the voice issues and all sorts of things that tried to hinder me from being at my best in doing what I love to do since high school, there was one thing that kept me pushing; it was my indomitable will. I tell you, it was the 4^th year version of “hell week before midterms” and giving up on the last night was not an option. I was really thinking of the kind of accomplishment it to end the night knowing that I didn’t give up on myself. And most importantly, I knew I have to make memories. I mean, yes, I lost ATHENA, along with my photos, treasured files and soon-to-be YouTube sensation videos. I somehow lost a grip of the past..a part of me that I don’t want to let go. And that night, the 14^th of July proved me wrong. My past will always be with me. I will carry them with me wherever I go. The thing is, I should not dwell on it for the rest of my life just because it had been gorgeously doomed and glorious at the same time. I still have a future ahead of me, a beautiful morning worth waking up for. It was that instance when I saw everyone smiling, cheering, shouting like crazy, that I felt a unexplainable sensation in my heart. (naks naman) Their smiles are those that are worth the capture once more. Their laughter and screams make way for a new beginning for memories to treasure. And above all else, that night if I choose to, can be the very 1^st of my newest essays after everything else got deleted. You see, there’s hope in everything. You see, it’s just a matter of perspective. You see, people make choices form time to time- I mean, every time and it is on how we live by those choices that we determine our own paths to take. I have made a wrong decision and I can no longer do anything to undo it. However, life has its own reasons. The Jhala inside that piece of gadget might be gone for good. It might be God’s way of mitigating my vanity I guess. It might also be His guiding act to make me more rational in making decisions. But however I take it, one thing’s for sure, life goes on and the journey towards making more smiles, louder laughters, crazy videos and photo shoots, melodramatic essays and short stories has just gotten better.

I am no Athena. I am no goddess. But I am a human, capable of making people smile, laugh, cry, believe and love. I may not be able to remember every milestone that has come to pass, but each of them has already made their way to the making of a world premiere.  I may not be a wonderful sight but surely, the way I see the world is beyond the clutch of vocabulary. And that, that part of me can never be taken away from me. Ever. <3