The Prologue

“Some people see things as they are and ask; why? Other people see things that never were and ask, why not?”- Robert F. Kennedy

I honestly find it hard to recall the first time I grasped the notion of love. Surely, it had to be somewhere during my childhood years though. Those were the days when I see mom and dad hold hands and kiss each other’s cheek, those were the times when I cry out loud and granny wipes away my tears with her loose blouse and those were the moments when my best friend would share to me her last few pieces of chicheria because she knows it’s also my favorite snack. Barely, that was twelve years ago. Twelve years.

Here comes change. Strange isn’t it? That moment when your seatmate teases you to that heartthrob cutie everyone’s eyeing at way back in grade school. It’s undeniable that “that teasing part” makes you smile. AAAHH. Perhaps, that was the time I had the slightest notion of a crush. Since then, the innocence started to fade out and everything went pitch-black. You tend to feel that giggling sensation deep inside when he brushes off his cool butterfly hairstyle with his hands and gives out that killer smile. Those were the times when hairclips, a new pink bag and a shiny pair of shoes were my crowning glory. They made me feel that I actually had a chance of the possibility of him, liking me back. So young at that, when someone actually made me someone I’m not.

Let’s not forget this part: that time of your life when that ‘he’ happens to have a crush on that ‘she’ who apparently plays the role of being your best friend. Heck yes. It was in grade school when I had to deal with seeing them slip into each other’s bag SOME CUTE LOVE LETTERS. Sounds unfair, and I actually wanted to play the part of the contrabida you know. [-] This close, yes, that close! HAHA! It sounds unfair really, you know, she’s supposed to have love letters from you on Valentine’s day as her best friend, but now she actually enjoys having one every single day and the worst part is, it’s from him. Your crush. Tsk, tsk.

Okay. So much for this puppy love heart-breaking chapter, let’s talk about high school. Old school. Oh well, in my case, at least. This part reminds me of Taylor Swift’s FIFTEEN. Was it just me? Or did cupid find me very unworthy of his arrow? Let’s put it this way: a girl like me experienced four sadly ever afters aside from burning my midnight torches for physics, zoology, lab reports for biology and a whole lot of mind-boggling exercises in calculus. Let’s start with the not-so-ouchy-part. I had a crush on someone who had to leave school for health reasons. He played the guitar so well. So sad. We could’ve made a perfect band. (LOL) Then, I had a crush on someone even if I knew he was courting the hottest student in school. And yes, even if he got dumped, I still didn’t get the chance to take over the spotlight. Very heart-breaking. Go on, keep waiting at the school lobby for him to pass by. (sigh) The next outcome was when I had a crush on that guy who ‘periodically’ texted me and made me feel I was cool. Unfortunately, I woke up one day, and saw him carry someone else’s kikay bag. Right, they’re together now. So much for my happy ending. SO SAD PART 3. Finally….I finally believed this guy’s the one. He goes to my school with some support group (HAHA.) and he gets to say his part of the speech and actually made me and my friends believe he’s dead serious and BOOM! Just before I could officially say I’m now his “girlfriend” one FINE day, those same friends of mine whom he actually talked to; saw him smooching with someone in public. Oh well, this can’t get any worse, can it?

So, the unfortunate turn of events made me cry out: WHAT GRUESOME AND HORRENDOUS SORCERRY IS THIS?! While everyone has already gotten their fair share of romantic dance during the junior prom, why do I find myself pretending to eat on the dining table so that I won’t get jealous of my friends having the time of their lives! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE, MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR?!

I know you actually heard of the “payback time” part when the lead actress gets to have a taste of some accomplishments in life and they somehow made her believe that maybe in college, perhaps in college, the overrated lipstick, eye-liner and pressed powder would actually make her look more human. I got through that as well. Positive reinforcement. At least.

HIHI. I don’t actually want to elaborate more of this part. HAHA. It really makes me laugh to recall the kind of love story God wrote for me for two years in college. Fine. I was, for the first time, happy. Crossroads really make sense. A whole lot of sense actually. I experienced butterflies in my stomach on my first date with mom and dad’s license, late night calls, and all that. The weird thing is, both of you don’t actually talk in class. LITERALLY, like you didn’t exist. Then a simple complication, miscommunication leads to fall out. So many things that I wish you knew but the story of us might be ending soooooon…wait, is that a song? Nevermind. HAHA! To cut it short, we both screwed up and it didn’t work out. End. ;)

Very well then, I promised myself to never ever get vulnerable to these stupid emotions. I drowned myself with a nightmare of accounting problems and yes, they actually got me through! But then, I’m just human you know, so I accidentally fell for this young and (HAHAHAHAHA) teacher. Wait, I can’t spill it here. Just so you’d know, I always made it a point to pass by his office and check if the teacher next to his cubicle is beautiful or not. I also made it an effort to pass by his 7pm class VERY SLOWLY, like that slow motion effect you see on movies. Silly. But then the attraction actually faded. Just like that.

Well, this part of the sharing is overkill already. Let’s just move forward to the main event. For the first time, I actually had a crush on an innocent mind! (insert witch-like laughter here). He’s a junior by the way. I tampered an organizational file just to have a 1x1 photo of him. OKAYFINE. Call me whatever. It’s done already. Deal with it. XD I can’t explain it but I’m glad I feel normal again. I mean, the usual routine of stalking! I know, you’re now telling me that THIS ISN’T GONNA WORK OUT FOR THE NTH TIME, BUT WHO CARES?! I’M ALIVE AND I’M ENTITLED TO THIS….THIS WHATEVER YOU CALL IT! :D

Maybe, there isn’t a guy in the universe meant for me. The possibility of being a nun actually crossed my mind once. Fine. So much for the blah blah. On the other hand, perhaps THERE IS actually a guy destined for me. Aside from being a crybaby, there’s gotta be a reason why old songs still knock me off my feet every time I listen to them just before I sleep. Maybe there’s a reason why I still get to wipe tears on my cheeks when I talk to God about the right guy, at the right place, at the right time. Maybe, just maybe, these will all make sense after all.

When you love, you don’t have to make the person fall for you so you’d completely experience love. I’d be a hypocrite if I’ll deny that I NEVER hoped he’d like me back, but then, you see, as what I have learned in my philosophy class, the beauty of love is in the loving in itself, not the love given in return. Had I known this fact long before, cursing cupid wouldn’t have been one of my favorite pass times. (just kidding. Cupid looks hot by the way, based on how he was described in Edith Hamilton’s book). I should have felt more deeply the simple joy it gave me, even if I know for a fact that he won’t notice or admire me, just as how I admire him.

Every little girl dreamt of her own prince charming right after that Disney movie flashed “the end” on the screen. Every teenage soul hoped for the perfect guy who would actually sing to her that mp3 song she’s been dying to play for more than a week. Every lady had her greatest hopes for the right man whom her children will call “father” someday. A friend of mine said that choosing the right man would be the very first gift she could give to her future kids, just before they are born.

I didn’t have a solo walk for having no boyfriend since birth for almost 2 decades now. And yes, girls like us still exist. Girls like us are actually willing to keep our eyes open so we’ll see the right guy fall right in front of our doorstep. (But for the meantime, we sure can make exemptions to take a short peek at those pretty faces that pass by our window once in a while. HAHA!)

Every girl has her own story to tell. Mine has just begun. ♥