Grown-up Christmas List

If you think you're one of those major losers who think that Christmas is about surprises and gifts and blings, don't worry. Baby, count me in. Well, that was me 18 years ago. I can still recall every time I pray to God during my "simbang gabi" sessions with granny, I would bravely ask the Lord to make me strong. I've always defined myself as weak and feeble. Looking back, I could not thank my self more. I was thankful that even though I did not fully understand what I was asking from God, He lovingly chose to gradually provide for me that wish. At least, now I'm learning.

Being strong is not just about being able to control your tears every time they're about to flood your eyes. Being strong is also having the right disposition every time you are faced with a tough problem. I have now come to realize that it is not your immediate reaction that defines your totality as a person, rather it's the long-term effect of your actions after you have cried for every problem, after you have pondered upon the "best deemed fit" solution and after you have forgiven yourself for every shortcoming that brought you to that situation.

The year 2012 has been a tough year for me. I never imagined it to be so cruel and defining. I never thought there is such thing as crying every night for more than a month, I never thought there was such thing as betrayal right under your flat nose, and I have never imagined myself to be so strong as to withstand failures in both academic tests and life-changing circumstances.

I have heard of Mariah Carey's Grown-up Christmas list rendition for so many times, but it was only this year that I was fully able to understand its worth. My grown-up Christmas list has gotten better now, not that dear old Santa failed to grant them, but because I am still on my way to opening my heart and my mind to the reality that my Lord has provided for me all the things I need, and those that I wanted.

I'm a grown-up now. And inasmuch as I would want to be given a P10000 worth of gift check from high-end shoe stores, I'd rather give up my year's worth of savings for the people I love and for those who has made a difference in my life. Who knows I might accidentally be the instrument to grant one of the things on their list?

Merry Christmas! :)