Review Curiosity

I “love” movies. What I usually think is that they help me drift away from reality, but what actually happens is that movies depict a fun and exciting perspective of how I ought to see life as it is. I love stories, most especially stories I can relate myself with. I am very emotional. Whenever a movie captures my heart, I cannot easily get over with it, it will take the entire night or the next day for me to move on and realize that it was “just” a movie.

It was Maundy Thursday and the family tradition during the Holy Week was to watch movies. This has been one of the many reasons why I look forward to the Lent season (HAHA). I really love seeing my mom and dad and my sister stare seriously at the TV screen, then smile and laugh and look sad altogether. :’) mem’ries. Geeeezz, not again. Okay, so this year, we spent Thursday at home, as usual, and me and my sister had the time of our lives, trying to kill each other to win the remote control. :D  I also made time to update my blog and then I skipped siesta for the time being.

In the evening, we decided to go to Church and observe the Eastern vigil (for a while, so not technically a vigil) and man, the aura was just so peaceful. There were candles, and plants and colored lights, and all else that the 21^st century can offer. I found a good place to reflect and pray. ^.^

This was kinda' how it looked like but it's way better seen actually. :)

After that, we left for home and tuned in for the television. My mom is the type of the person who’s really into Tagalog love movies (which I usually find baduy) and so we had to bear watching the replay of Sarah Geronimo and John Lloyd Cruz’s (insert title here). When mom switched channels during advertisements, I caught a scene in one movie I saw before. It was not long ago when I caught boredom watching “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” and believe me, I felt more excited watching boredom in front of me that to stick to this “hopeless-case-for-me” tagalong movie mom’s so serious about.

FINALLY, the remote control fell into the powerful and kilig-defying hands of mine! MWAHAHAHA! XD The three of them went to sleep already so I then owned the TV powers! (MWAHAHAHAHAHA!) Okay now, serious mode. As what I said, I already saw the movie, and the impression I got was that it was a sad love story, so what I was really up to that evening was to grasp some details of the movie which I did not retain or even understand, and to hope that perhaps, it may change even just a small aspect of me, as a person, capable of loving and living a good life. And it did.

I do not intend to write a narrative of the movie because trust me, it’s better seen that told.  :) Anyhow, I’ll write about the major lessons I learned and the very reasons why I finally cried hard in front of the television again since I can’t remember. Like SRSLY, even after turning off the TV and the lights, I still found myself crying to sleep, and I felt so moved that even when I woke up the next day (Good Friday), I still cried like crazy. OOHHHH, SEE?! I was deeply moved that I believe this movie deserves a movie review (sort of) in my blog. Not that Brad Pitt is undeniably handsome and gorgeous, don’t get me wrong please, but if Benjamin Button is actually a non-fictional character, I will really do my best to meet him one day, and it would be such a privilege to be able to speak to a virtuous man, with a peculiar case and a big heart. I’m afraid it was mistake to have taken the movie as a sad love story, it was way more than that. Much more than that. <3

It was a story of life, and of time, entirely. It was about failure, heartbreak, love, trying, and understanding that fact that nothing lasts forever, but some things are just never meant to be forgotten. It is a story of bearing with life patiently, a story of acceptance, of forgiveness and of starting all over. Benjamin is someone who grows backwards, and I admire him for being a good man at that, despite of how painful it was to watch everyone else die old ahead of him, while he grows younger, ALONE. I found it really cute when he was around 10 (I guess) and he had to lie when asked about the last time he had sex with a woman. He looked old, but you can feel that his heart was young, his eyes spoke much more than the words which came out from his lips. Moreover, I also admired the way he accepted Daisy, despite of her, rejecting him not just once, but many times, and loving her despite of her wild sex life with other men her age and for being patient enough to understand her during the process of her adulthood, despite the fact that he should also be understood, as someone growing older, yet younger. Complicated indeed.

All along, I thought that the worst thing that Benjamin ever did was to leave Daisy a year after giving birth to their daughter. But after watching the movie, the second time, I was convinced that it was the bravest and the hardest thing he ever did in his life. He had to leave, and, I admire him again for that.

What really made me cry like a dying pig was when their daughter Caroline, found out about the truth (she grew up loving a different man as her father) and read every postcard Benjamin has sent for her every birthday she celebrated. The words were just so piercing that even now, I’m about to cry na naman ulit. T T HAHA. :3

He told her how he wished to be the father who sent her to school in her 1^st grade, the father who could have been her crying shoulder during her teenage years whenever a boy would make her cry, he told her about….ahh, I just can’t do this. (haha, my gosh, super drama mode na jud) I’m really sorry, this is just how I get hooked with a movie. I deliberately and emotionally get HOOKED. So let me just quote the beautiful lines in the movie:

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

“You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went, you can curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

“Life can only be understood looking backward.  It must be lived forward.” 

“It’s not about how well you play.  It’s how you feel about what you’re playing.”

“Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

"And I think, right there and then, she realized none of us is perfect forever."

"Some people, were born to sit by a river. Some get struck by lightning. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people, dance."

And the sweetest way they say this is at night, when they are worlds apart:

Benjamin Button: Goodnight Daisy.  

Daisy: Goodnight Benjamin.

You better watch the movies guys, if you haven't yet. I’m getting the feeling that I'm spoiling it badly. ^.*

No wonder the film won numerous awards internationally. No wonder it made me cry dearly. No wonder, that by now, I am very much enthused to share it with you. And I will not ever wonder, why someday and somehow, you will also feel uplifted and inspired by the movie. Don’t just keep breathing. Keep on living. And don’t just live. Live well.

Let me share to you one of the most profound lines in the movie, spoken by an old man who was hit by lightning seven times (HAHAHAHAHA!) but never felt disheartened and I quote;

“The truth is, despite of everything, God keeps on reminding me that I'm lucky to be alive, and that is what’s important.” <3

03.23.13

I've always been a believer of advocacy for youth empowerment. I know very well that I may be graduating along with the many others tomorrow, but there are still some of us who will have to face the same set of challenges so as to graduate soon. Very soon. I honestly feel sad, but in my heart, I believe the Lord has never failed to give the right obstacles as well as the right cure for every heartache. Naa jud sya'y plano sa ato tanan and na-prove jud nako na ginahatag jud niya ang mga problema and failures to make us stronger, to make us better.

I have always put my full faith in the power of failures. There's this some kind of "wild card" factor with it. Mura ra bitaw sya'g competition na na-eliminate ka, pero naa diay japun to'y chance to get back on track. You just have to deserve it, you just have to own it. :')

Tomorrow again, is my graduation day. I spent approximately 16 years in the academe just to be rightful of the toga I'll be wearing and of the garland that mom will hang on my shoulders, and the great big hug that my "at long last" proud dad will give me. I honestly do not feel the entirety of the overwhelming reality yet, but surely my heart is full of gratitude right now. The series of unfortunate events as well as the chain of victories has led me to where I am right now AND everything I am yet about to become is attributable to my Lord, who was always there; from the times when I was just like any other undergrad, hoping to be a better me, and to be as competent as I can be, to be someone my little sister is looking up to, to be someone that my relatives will be proud of.

Indeed, it is true, that beneath every student's success story is a family that inspired the heart and a Church that uplifted the soul.

This is not the end, it is just the beginning and like every beginning, there is a celebration, a spark of hope, and a patch of light to guide me once more to the winding path of this journey. All of these, I will hold on to, all of these I will cherish, all of these, I will ever be grateful to my Lord, to my "bestest" friend, to my God.

A graduate, at long last. :')

College Retirement Blues: The "How To's"

How does someone hope? How does someone consider victory? How does someone look forward to what lies ahead?

In the midst of vulnerability, in times when anxiety seems to cover the atmosphere, and when failure seems to clog up your appetite to eat, I doubt if I can personally write about “how.”

There’s no point of telling you a story about how I managed to make my way up to my fourth year in college in the Accountancy program. Everyone in my batch must have had their own versions of bittersweet experiences. This time, as I deem fit, what is worth writing about is how exactly I was able to go through this period of silence, this times of torture in waiting for the “truth” to set you free, and the time of verdict whether you’re actually qualified to take the board exam. (but you know, I’ll still share a little something about everything I’ve done)

By virtue of personal evaluation, I know, I believe and I stand by the fact that I deserve to graduate. As what my dad said; “An instructor in his right mind will not easily fail a 4^th yr student. Dili makasugakod ang estudyante sa upat ka tuig kung bugok siya.” And yes, daddy’s right. Bright ko, bright mi tanan, naa lang juy times mutukar ang danghag ug tapol, or else mediocrity. Anyhow, that doesn’t change the potentiality within. How about putting the potentials into action? Let’s see.

Quality time. When I enrolled for my last 1^st semester this school year, I said to myself; “Never end up with crying to daddy Lord, begging for forgiveness and asking Him for one last chance to prove yourself worthy of the scholarship AGAIN, as what you did after third year.” That’s why, I have honestly made an extra effort to study, to sacrifice weekends with my family and even “some” Sunday masses. I was that desperate to prove myself worthy of being in the program, of “staying” in the program in the “normal” duration. For the record, my fourth year was the first and only year wherein I’ve stayed in late at night just to study. I normally sleep by 11pm but this time, I was able to tolerate even up to 1am. That benchmark improved by 2^nd sem; I could then stay awake even up to 3am. However, quality time is what actually matters, and insofar as my brain capacity is concerned, I really need to dwell for at least 3hrs per subject “minimum”. HAHA. Sorry na, mahina ang kalaban.

Compliance. When it comes to requirements, I am a self-proclaimed go-getter and I am always open to different approaches on how to improve my performance. “Tagaan na lang gani ko ug chance mamugas, ituloy-tuloy napud nako. What gives?”

Attendance. No question. Tardiness? Uhm….

Variances. By saying “variance”, what I actually mean is the gap between my hardwork and my output. HAHA. K. I’m not saying that I do not reap what I have sown, but most of the time, I get frustrated. However, it was during my 4^th year that I have started to better my response when it comes to failing grades because “usually” I get to avoid committing the same mistake again. CHARS OI. Seriously, it’s been a good feeling actually that if in cost accounting, the gap between my efforts and my grades was like the distance between the Babuyan Islands and Tawi-tawi, this time, it’s only like from Bohol to Davao. :3 HAHA. :P

Now what? After talking about “how’s” and evaluating my potentials and my capabilities, what’s the point of this mumbo-jumbo entry? Simple. Actually, it was not about asking; “how does someone hope? Rather, it should be, “why should someone believe? It’s not about
“how does someone consider victory? Rather, it’s a matter of: “why should someone be thankful about failures? It’s not about “how does someone look forward to what lies ahead? Rather, it’s a question of:  “why wait for tomorrow when your tomorrow can be today?” All I’m saying is, it’s not a question of “how”, it’s a matter of “why” because if you know why you’re doing something, then for sure, human nature will guide you all the way throughout the “how’s” in your life. “Kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan.” (Antukin, 2009)

I hope, but more than that, I believe. And in the process of believing, I have come to realize that I should not do the “believing” only after my exams whatsoever. I should do it before and during every undertaking. It served as my engine, I believe.

I am a dreamer and I’ve always aspired for victory in every field I want to excel in, 10 out of 10 trials have taught me that failures has been the best source of victory yet. I’ve always believed in realizing dreams by virtue of birthright, but life experience has taught me better that everything worth having is everything worth fighting, even worth dying for. It is only when we have a guiding purpose in life that we tend to carve a meaningful path in this world. Failure is not a pre-requisite to success, but it’s a very effective booster or enhancer of some sort, I must say. Lastly, I am a straightforward pessimist and most of the time, the future is my concern. The Accountancy program has taught me that everything I am hoping for, everything I am praying for is always right here, right now. That has been and that will continue to be my principle everytime I take exams and tests.

How exactly have I gone through my four years and how exactly will I deal with this crucial “waiting time” before the semester gives its final judgment? Well, prayers. A handful of prayers and a gallon of prayers. A pinch of prayers and a flood of prayers.  Because as of now, I have already done my part. I have given my all, and all that’s left is God’s will. After all, I have answered my question already. How do I deal with this? I just did..from four years ago and counting. :)

Grown-up Christmas List

If you think you're one of those major losers who think that Christmas is about surprises and gifts and blings, don't worry. Baby, count me in. Well, that was me 18 years ago. I can still recall every time I pray to God during my "simbang gabi" sessions with granny, I would bravely ask the Lord to make me strong. I've always defined myself as weak and feeble. Looking back, I could not thank my self more. I was thankful that even though I did not fully understand what I was asking from God, He lovingly chose to gradually provide for me that wish. At least, now I'm learning.

Being strong is not just about being able to control your tears every time they're about to flood your eyes. Being strong is also having the right disposition every time you are faced with a tough problem. I have now come to realize that it is not your immediate reaction that defines your totality as a person, rather it's the long-term effect of your actions after you have cried for every problem, after you have pondered upon the "best deemed fit" solution and after you have forgiven yourself for every shortcoming that brought you to that situation.

The year 2012 has been a tough year for me. I never imagined it to be so cruel and defining. I never thought there is such thing as crying every night for more than a month, I never thought there was such thing as betrayal right under your flat nose, and I have never imagined myself to be so strong as to withstand failures in both academic tests and life-changing circumstances.

I have heard of Mariah Carey's Grown-up Christmas list rendition for so many times, but it was only this year that I was fully able to understand its worth. My grown-up Christmas list has gotten better now, not that dear old Santa failed to grant them, but because I am still on my way to opening my heart and my mind to the reality that my Lord has provided for me all the things I need, and those that I wanted.

I'm a grown-up now. And inasmuch as I would want to be given a P10000 worth of gift check from high-end shoe stores, I'd rather give up my year's worth of savings for the people I love and for those who has made a difference in my life. Who knows I might accidentally be the instrument to grant one of the things on their list?

Merry Christmas! :)