College Retirement Blues: The "How To's"

How does someone hope? How does someone consider victory? How does someone look forward to what lies ahead?

In the midst of vulnerability, in times when anxiety seems to cover the atmosphere, and when failure seems to clog up your appetite to eat, I doubt if I can personally write about “how.”

There’s no point of telling you a story about how I managed to make my way up to my fourth year in college in the Accountancy program. Everyone in my batch must have had their own versions of bittersweet experiences. This time, as I deem fit, what is worth writing about is how exactly I was able to go through this period of silence, this times of torture in waiting for the “truth” to set you free, and the time of verdict whether you’re actually qualified to take the board exam. (but you know, I’ll still share a little something about everything I’ve done)

By virtue of personal evaluation, I know, I believe and I stand by the fact that I deserve to graduate. As what my dad said; “An instructor in his right mind will not easily fail a 4^th yr student. Dili makasugakod ang estudyante sa upat ka tuig kung bugok siya.” And yes, daddy’s right. Bright ko, bright mi tanan, naa lang juy times mutukar ang danghag ug tapol, or else mediocrity. Anyhow, that doesn’t change the potentiality within. How about putting the potentials into action? Let’s see.

Quality time. When I enrolled for my last 1^st semester this school year, I said to myself; “Never end up with crying to daddy Lord, begging for forgiveness and asking Him for one last chance to prove yourself worthy of the scholarship AGAIN, as what you did after third year.” That’s why, I have honestly made an extra effort to study, to sacrifice weekends with my family and even “some” Sunday masses. I was that desperate to prove myself worthy of being in the program, of “staying” in the program in the “normal” duration. For the record, my fourth year was the first and only year wherein I’ve stayed in late at night just to study. I normally sleep by 11pm but this time, I was able to tolerate even up to 1am. That benchmark improved by 2^nd sem; I could then stay awake even up to 3am. However, quality time is what actually matters, and insofar as my brain capacity is concerned, I really need to dwell for at least 3hrs per subject “minimum”. HAHA. Sorry na, mahina ang kalaban.

Compliance. When it comes to requirements, I am a self-proclaimed go-getter and I am always open to different approaches on how to improve my performance. “Tagaan na lang gani ko ug chance mamugas, ituloy-tuloy napud nako. What gives?”

Attendance. No question. Tardiness? Uhm….

Variances. By saying “variance”, what I actually mean is the gap between my hardwork and my output. HAHA. K. I’m not saying that I do not reap what I have sown, but most of the time, I get frustrated. However, it was during my 4^th year that I have started to better my response when it comes to failing grades because “usually” I get to avoid committing the same mistake again. CHARS OI. Seriously, it’s been a good feeling actually that if in cost accounting, the gap between my efforts and my grades was like the distance between the Babuyan Islands and Tawi-tawi, this time, it’s only like from Bohol to Davao. :3 HAHA. :P

Now what? After talking about “how’s” and evaluating my potentials and my capabilities, what’s the point of this mumbo-jumbo entry? Simple. Actually, it was not about asking; “how does someone hope? Rather, it should be, “why should someone believe? It’s not about
“how does someone consider victory? Rather, it’s a matter of: “why should someone be thankful about failures? It’s not about “how does someone look forward to what lies ahead? Rather, it’s a question of:  “why wait for tomorrow when your tomorrow can be today?” All I’m saying is, it’s not a question of “how”, it’s a matter of “why” because if you know why you’re doing something, then for sure, human nature will guide you all the way throughout the “how’s” in your life. “Kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan.” (Antukin, 2009)

I hope, but more than that, I believe. And in the process of believing, I have come to realize that I should not do the “believing” only after my exams whatsoever. I should do it before and during every undertaking. It served as my engine, I believe.

I am a dreamer and I’ve always aspired for victory in every field I want to excel in, 10 out of 10 trials have taught me that failures has been the best source of victory yet. I’ve always believed in realizing dreams by virtue of birthright, but life experience has taught me better that everything worth having is everything worth fighting, even worth dying for. It is only when we have a guiding purpose in life that we tend to carve a meaningful path in this world. Failure is not a pre-requisite to success, but it’s a very effective booster or enhancer of some sort, I must say. Lastly, I am a straightforward pessimist and most of the time, the future is my concern. The Accountancy program has taught me that everything I am hoping for, everything I am praying for is always right here, right now. That has been and that will continue to be my principle everytime I take exams and tests.

How exactly have I gone through my four years and how exactly will I deal with this crucial “waiting time” before the semester gives its final judgment? Well, prayers. A handful of prayers and a gallon of prayers. A pinch of prayers and a flood of prayers.  Because as of now, I have already done my part. I have given my all, and all that’s left is God’s will. After all, I have answered my question already. How do I deal with this? I just did..from four years ago and counting. :)