The Laude Dream

“When your mind can conceive it and your heart can believe it, you can achieve it.” – Dr. Virignia Lourdes Yacapin, CPA, MBA

These are the words that greatly encouraged my heart after all the threatening and intimidating “tales of an XU Accountancy student” I heard. I started off my first semester with the college dean as my Actng 1&2 instructor and this experience I admit, had been one of the advantages I’ve had as a freshman.

I am a born dreamer. If not studying, I carelessly lay on my bed and daydream as if there’s no limit. To be able to survive the course I enrolled myself into had been one of those dreams, not to mention the fact that I also had to maintain a QPI of 3 (according to me after all) per advice of my scholarship benefactor SM Foundation Inc. I cried the moment I knew about the standards I had to meet and the expectations I had to live by. Days before the first day of school, nightmares crept in but my faith in God sustained me. I said to myself: “I only have one shot to make myself a better future, to provide myself quality education that my mom’s salary alone cannot afford (dad damaged his backbone in an accident last summer, so he had to quit work) and He has given me now to start a new chapter of my college life. I have to make this count.”

I had the taste of my first midterm exams and I tell you, it was tough, really tough. It had been one of the reasons why I realized I had to double-time, that I really have to master the art of balancing my time and controlling myself; discipline is the key. I closed my first year 1^st and 2^nd semester with my name on the dean’s list but I knew in mind this has to continue. By that time, I knew better than wishing for the A-, I had to make sure I perfected every quiz. I cannot afford to risk my scholarship. I cannot afford to risk my future.

My second year for me was the funniest year perhaps. Not that I had so much humor around me, but because the things I’ve worried myself into for this year turned out to be “normal” situations during my 3^rd year in the program. That makes my life’s script pretty much comical. Imagine, I cry myself to death, like hysterical, drama queen in the making, the moment I get my hands on a paper with a score 8/10 or 9/10 in Actng 3 and 4 for both semesters. I was like: “I’m so depressed, this is so bad, I’m so bugok.” HAHA. (insert sadako here about to stab me) :P

That “bugok” stereotyping of mine really had a major adjustment as to standards when I met the great Mr. Sayson of Cost Accounting. Here’s the thing (awh, things diay) about sir Sayson: 1) never ever miss a session in his class because he’s quite mindful of the class attendance and it REALLY helps him decide when you get to case number 5. 2) never underestimate the way he discusses the cost system, like no matter how easy it may seem, just religiously follow the process and know the “work-back-how-to-do’s”. 3) try to answer as many problems as you can, but as much as possible, do the weird ones, by weird, I mean those kinds of problems he NEVER solved in class. 4) Never panic when you get the examination paper and you just don’t freakin’ know how to do about it. STAY CALM AND CONCENTRATE. SWALLOW AS MANY SALIVA AS YOU CAN UNTIL YOUR THROAT  DRIES UP AND YOU COLLAPSE! Maybe in that way, you get to save yourself and he might not include that quiz in computing your grade. Of course, you can’t do number 4 forever! 5) when you receive your test paper with a single digit score over a hundred, RELAX, that’s damn normal. Take it as a challenge (that you’ll never succeed in, HAHA) and move on. 6) participate in class because he’s the kind of teacher who talks to his “classmates” when he discusses the lessons, so keep up and show him that you’re interested. 7) pray. When all else fail, He won’t. <3

So that was it, I got my first taste of “C” during my junior year and that year started the “unlisting” of my name on the dean’s list up until graduation! TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN! But hey, here’s the portion of this composition which actually talks about the title. (insert teary eyes here) Well, it was (as far as I can remember) the first day of the second week of school when sir Sayson approached me when I passed by his classroom one morning to say “hi sir”. He had with him this Garfield-like grin, stood near me and talked to me with a voice that sounded like a father talking to his daughter for a serious matter. (CHARLALANG, FEELING NA KO, I KNOW.) I could recall him saying something like this: “Jhala, what happened sa imong cost? C raba, and you’re running for honors diba?” This statement hit me like how a dart would hit the bulls’ eye; quick and painful. I know for a fact that I had been one of those who had been working hard to earn a grade worthy of pride in the eyes of my parents and in the eyes of SMFI (except that until 3^rd year, I don’t stay as late as 12mn to study). What struck me the most was the realization that my teacher is actually considering me as one of the few running for honors, and knowing the notorious program I belong, that indeed is a complement. I tried to look normal and told him; “I don’t know sir, basin. Hehe.” The he elaborated the worried look on his face and the Garfield-like grin disappeared. And he continued; “Tarunga imung fourth year ha? Cost raman kaha imung C? Tarunga Jhala ha?” This time, I gave out a fake smile and said; “mao lagi na sir, apil ako law2 ni sir paayas, C pud.” Then he gave his final words to encourage me to work harder, I thanked him, and I left. The moment I turned about, I could not stop the tears falling from my eyes. Those were not tears of disappointment or shame, but those were tears of hope. Indeed, the first step in achieving is to ADMIT that you want that something. I must admit, that simple encounter with sir Sayson (the teacher who can make you cry but the teacher you can never hate) ignited what you might all call as “the laude dream”.

Fourth year wasn’t as easy as eating banana. Although some of us would say that it was easier than 3^rd year because we were already able to adjust with too much pressure, still I insist that my case was different. This was one last battle I had to win to justify my hardships back in 1^st year. However, the happy ending doesn’t start here, better yet, the happy ending never started here. The first semester of my last year in college was full of “all-for-nothing” hardships and rebellion. To cut it short, had I earned a letter grade higher in “that” subject, then the struggle during my second semester would have been more bearable. However, I still thank God for letting the things turn out the way they should because if they didn’t, who knows? I might not have given my all and I might not have realized one of my dreams.

It had been the toughest chapter in my college life. I had to bear in mind that every quiz will count, every failure will count, every perfect score will go an extra mile, every project must have to be in its “most” superb form and every undertaking must be taken seriously. I have set my target QPI sometime earlier in summer 2012 but the yellow death slip that my evaluator gave me brought about a benchmark almost impossible to attain: 3.40. Like heck, the last time I got a grade as high as that was a year ago and my subjects are too good to be true! I let out a laugh and although my situation has gotten all the optimism inside of me, I dared to post that death slip in front of my bed, near my door to remind me everyday when I wake up that my daddy Lord has given me challenge I should not run away from.

Audit, Law, and MAS were the subjects that earned my respect as well as their respective instructors. I thank God that He enlightened me and my friends as we enrolled ourselves in the second semester with lots of drama and confusion. Apart from waking up around 3am (which is the norm for me) every enrollment, I also had to make an extra effort for my friends to be enrolled because let’s admit it, sa enrollment and ‘di marunong dumiskarte, malilipasan ng gutom. Just like what happened to me! LOL Anyhow, the semester was rough and very challenging. However, my hardships paid off. My quizzes turned out very good and my performance in the subjects I thought I’ll never succeed in went above par (noks, feeling mode number2! LOL) To tell you guys, this was the only time, after 3^rd year that I felt how it is to reap the fruits of your labor; that kind of bilar nga walay “variance”. Except of course, for one subject. And let’s talk about it briefly (like you care HAHA).

This was the only semester I slept in late, like around 3am and woke up at 7am. This case was for my Government Accounting requirement which leads us to the most horrifying drama of my life. BOTH of my semi-final and final paper had similar works and yes, I’m dead. My instructor was not open for considerations and her judgment was the last verdict I had to endure since all the other grades were in, days after the final exams week.  I had to go back to the faculty room, wait for her for hours, solve so many riddles from google (using my friend’s iphone) and talk a lot. The worst part of it was when she actually blurted out the possibility of me, having two F’s; semi’s and finals, I really cried because I know deep in my heart and in my fragile bones that I deserve more than an F! Shucks. To death, I’m gonna fight for it! I explained my reasons and I did my best to make her see that I was serious about the project even weeks before the deadline. The next day, when she made me come back, she told me straight to my face and in front of the other faculty members that she WILL give me an “F” because she just can't immediately take my word for it. I just shook my head and listened to every piercing word she had to say and no, I didn’t cry in front of her anymore. She made me sit and she proceeded to submitting the grades of the students running for honors. I laid my head on one arm and tears fell from my eyes. Holding one arm of my friend Vicelle, I said; “friend, sayangan kayo ko. Sayang kaayo.” Vicelle tried to comfort me and minutes after my instructor submitted the grades, I decided to leave. I know I can’t do anything anymore. I asked permission to leave the office and then I went to the chapel and there, NAG-MOMENTS KO TERRRR! Like kanang level na hilak jud bahalag daghan galabay! (pati sip-on tulo oi! LOL) XD That was a defining moment in my life. In there, I felt that no matter how painful the grade might be, God has plans for me and He knows how much I invested and how much I gave just to deserve a good grade. I left the chapel and I saw the three friends that accompanied me throughout the day; the beautiful souls Ian, Fahra and Faith. There was also the gorgeous Lynette who never runs out of optimism. They cheered me up and after a while I went home.

Dad was watching tv, my sister was playing the pc and as I entered my room, I felt the emptiness. It felt like everything I’ve worked hard for had been taken away from me like a thief to a poor beggar. It was painful. Very painful. I went out of my room and told dad everything about it. My dad, just so you’d know, is my closest friend at home. He can write a first person omniscient point of view story of me if he would (insert exaggerated look here). He knows every detail of conflict that happened and he knows exactly what I’m experiencing. He was infuriated and he wanted to go there and end the insanity of my instructor. But then I stopped him. Let me share to you an excerpt of the conversation we had which I will never forget:

Dad: now you have a father to stand for your cause and a lawyer to defend you, why still choose to defend that woman?

Me: dad, she has a mother suffering from cancer, and that woman needs a daughter to be by her side. I can’t afford to take away her daughter from her just because I was abused or because there was injustice.

Dad just gave me a warm hug and then tears fell once more. :’)

The days that followed were like the 1^st part of HP7. There was darkness, yet I was full of hope. There was fear, but I had faith. There was doubt, but I had friends who were certain. The 13^th of March came and my cum laude friend miss Asilla Gaid encouraged me to go and know the results for myself. She could have told me directly but she kept it as a secret and really urged me to go to school. So there, I went and held a prayer in my heart. I asked the Lord to lead me and if today isn’t the day of truth YET, then I’ll understand. The first time I asked my evaluator, maam Rizza, she declined to give me information since the grades are not in yet. Disappointed, I took a seat near the stairs of the 2^nd floor and waited. “Perhaps sir Dialogo might walk pass here, I might be able to ask him” I thought. After less than a minute, the college dean, Dr. Yacapin, saw me and greeted me with a “hi”. She asked me why I was there and I told her about my concern. She suggested I should go and ask my evaluator because she thinks my grades were all in already. I thanked maam dean and hurriedly went back to talk to my evaluator. “Bahian who?” she asked. “Jhala Grace maam.” I replied. “Awh, human na man si Bahian gahapon diba? Cum laude man ka." She gave me a blank stare and all I could do was ask; “AKO?” She left her seat, took some papers and walked towards someone in the dean’s office and asked “cum laude man si Bahian maam ba?” and the voice then replied: “Oo, cum laude, kinsa na nangutana?” Then that person took a peek and to my HORROR, the face I saw was the portrait of the woman who sent me to purgatory and hell for days, the first teacher whom I cried to because of a possible F, she is none other than my gov accounting instructor. “Oi, Jhal, naa man lagi ka! Hilak nasad ka? Hahahaha. Congrats, cum laude ka!” she said. And she reached for my hand outside the “peek-a-boo” window to congratulate me. I didn’t know how to react, whether or not to accept her hand or just disappear, or cry or what. Things happened so fast, but the only thing I was sure of was that God heard my prayer that day. I asked him for the truth and it was everything that He gave to me.

(ice breaker sa daw ni)

You guys might be thinking that this composition was an overkill already. I know that. You guys might be thinking that I’mma full of drama. I know that. You guys might be thinking that it was all just an accident. I object to that. Days after, I heard people saying I do not deserve what I have for some reasons they themselves are not even sure of. It’s hard to be on top, but it’s harder to be rooted on the ground. What I mean is, no matter how hard you try to be good, some people will come in your way to challenge your integrity. It’s hard to be rooted to your principles in times of dire situations, but it’s never impossible. In life, you will dream. You will try. You will fail. But what’s the best part is that through the winning, and losing, and trying, there are people who believed in you from the very start, people who never doubted you, people who never judged you no matter how awful you might seem to be. These are the following that I would like to recognize one by one as they took me by the hand and spent the laude dream journey with me, until the end:

To Ms Rizel Palamine, who was the first friend (since second year) who encouraged me to fight for it and never give up no matter how curvy my grades have become; for the late night long messages we exchanged and for being my crying shoulder when I have problems, big or small;

To Mr. Ian Taping, Ms Faith Macadaeg and Ms Fahra Gorgod, for accompanying me for a day, but for helping me build courage that will last a lifetime; for making me “think” in times of boredom and for fueling my optimism;

To Mr Jimmy Jamero, for being my messenger, my RANDOM confidant (haha), and for always giving me honest criticisms like “what I don’t like about you is…” or “ BIGBANG LOOK, I really don’t like your negative attitude…” and all sorts; for encouraging me; and for being there when I am virtually crying; BIGBANG, I believe you will go far :’) ;

To Mr Red Payot, for the daring deal and for lifting up my spirit when I have put the ambition to sleep, salamat sa pagbuhay ng katawang lupa ng pangarap ko Red, this girl is on fire, LOL;

To Ms Jaeanne Bayucot, for being my partner-in-dreaming, for encouraging me to journey with her as we succeed the challenge of the yellow death slip; I’m so proud of you Jae, congratulations!

To Ms Ann Kirsti Rusiana, for having faith that I will not fail in my gov subject and for offering to cut off her head if ever I do; that leap of faith has made a better me iDOL!

To Ms Gizzelle Labial, for her principles which I look up to, for never failing to pause and listen before she reacts, for trusting, AND for the tastiest spaghetti ever (LOL)

To Mr Herald Campugan and Mr Reynold Rosas, for being very supportive even if you haven’t really spent enough time with me, to prove myself worthy of your encouragement; I am looking forward to see you guys shine and achieve your dreams;

To Mr Dario Sayson, for igniting the light and for letting it shine (HAHA) bitaw, sir, thanks for making me realize what I have to finish and for inspiring me to finish it well;

To Ms Donna Balangiao, for the never-ending optimism and love letters, for showing me the Lord’s way, and for always reminding me to be young at heart; dream on my friend, I know you’ll be a great educator!

To Ms Charmaine Nagac, for having been able to read this blog with out-most patience and dedication (HAHA), taw oi, chame, you're one great fighter and you deserve the happiness you are experiencing right now; MYMP!

To Ms Kristy Madelo, for the sweet and encouraging messages, for reminding me of God’s love; for cheering me up; for reminding me the importance of smiling;

To Ms Ryza Calunod and Ms Asilla Gaid; for the fighting spirit that both of you showed me; for the perseverance and for the humility you both possess as wise women; and to you rye, for the messages of God you shared to sustain me during the storms that came into my life;

To Mr Tj Raagas, for giving time to listen to my “sharings” and for never failing to see the “possible” in me;

To Mr Jess de Gracia, for all the jokes that meant the truth, for all the encouragement that served as my engine (chars) to go on;

To Mr Kent Sabejon, for being the master genius of hope and moving forward and  building bridges from where you are now to where you deserve to be, kuya, from the very start, you were there;

To my tita Emma Pepper and my Tita Bb Rubiato, for the encouragement and the challenge you gave, for the support and the blessings you shared; God be with you and your family always;

To my lola natty and my lola neneng, you rarely give me encouraging words but you never failed to pray for me to daddy Lord in Heaven; I am so blessed to have both of you around;

To Ms Kyle Valledor, for being the person behind every “me” because you contributed to how much I have become ever since high school; for never failing to remember me; for being my psychologist, for loving and believing;

To Ms Dianne Garces, for my VERY UNDERSTANDING  beautiful and intelligent friend, na kanang level na nakusi na nako iya popot, friends pa japun mi (HAHA); for all the spoiling; for all the bullying as well; and for all the faith;

To Ms Ira Tejada, for the Jollibee pact, for the challenging words of advice, for the brutal honesty, for the shattered dreams and broken hearts we shared, for the tears you wiped from my face, for the laway you drooled with me, for having so much patience and for having so much consideration and for having so much love;

To my Sister, for giving me a great escape from the harshness of life to the harshness of sisterhood, for making me smile and for giving me a reason to do well in school, for being the cause of the “rebirth” of the kid in me, always, I love you;

To my Dad, for nagging me to death, for hugging me till the pain goes away, for listening, for understanding, for being my best spoiler, for insulting me, yet for inspiring me, for pushing me so I’d learn how to fly, for imposing so many things, yet catch me every time I fall into pieces (noks); for being my benchmark, for being my inspiration of being the ‘doer’; for being my father as well as my friend, I love you;

To my Mom, for never failing to see the goodness in me despite that fact that you are my worst enemy, for training me to be strong, for teaching me the importance of respect, for being my teacher in practicality 101, for being my emotional duo; and for simply being my mom, I love you;

And lastly, to my daddy Lord, for all the prayers You granted, for all the hopes You left to die just to bring me to a better perspective in life, for being my Redeemer, for being my source of conscience, for being my one and only constant Friend when the whole world doesn’t seem to understand, for all the conversations we had since I learned how to talk to You, for being with me, and for being my God, salamat Lord! To you I give back all the glory!

To the many whom I wasn’t able to mention, but surely played a part in my journey towards this dream, with you I share this milestone, with you I share this achievement, with you, I share this product of faith, of hope and of love.

"The moment you give up on yourself is the moment you give up on life." - yours truly

(ice breaker ends here)

I looked at her in the eyes, extended my hand, and gave it a good shake. My gov instructor went back to her place and conversed with maam dean. Maam dean got surprised when she heard the story about my crying in the faculty room. “Ha? Si Jhala?” she exclaimed. All I did was smile, and bend my shoulders so as to see the people inside the dean’s office, talking. All I saw were people, movers, givers, achievers and individuals who had been, and who will always be a part of my life from now on. I thanked them, turned about, smiled, and walked towards a new chapter of my journey. The rest is history.